how you're thinking-Joke

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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

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A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

paddy

Two Golden rules of Very Happy Marriage
1-The wife is always right.
2-When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.
Boys By the way this rules also applied on girlfriend.

abcd

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.  Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”  The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted.  She left the doctor’s office quickly.  Weeks later the old lady returned.  She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head.  ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?” ”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

kingstar

"Myfriend,IsayIhadsometrouble."Amansaidtohisfriend,"YesterdayIhadwordswith(争吵)mywife.Afterthatshepunchedthedoorandrushedoutangrilywiththewordthatshewouldlivewithhermother.Pleasehelpme.I
　　"My friend, I say I had some trouble." A man said to his friend, "Yesterday I had words with(争吵) my wife. After that she punched the door and rushed out angrily with the word that she would live with her mother. Please help me. Is this a promise or a threat?" "Do you think there are differences between the two?" his friend asked. "Yes, quite a lot. If it is a promise, that means that my wife is sure to be with her mother, and if a threat, that my mother-in-law will move and live with us."

“聽我說，朋友，我遇上麻煩了。”一個男人對他的朋友說，“昨天我和妻子吵了一架，她怒氣沖沖地摔門走了，並宣稱說她要和她母親住在一起。你替我想想，這是許諾，還是威脅呢?” “這兩者有什麼區別嗎?”朋友問。 “不，區別太大了。如果它是承諾的話，那就是說它肯定是要和她媽媽一起住;要是威脅呢，那就意味著我岳母要搬到我家來住。”