You horny bastard

smart8

A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes & fucks all 150 hens.
The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch.
At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens.
The farmer gets a bit worried now.
The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, & a parrot too which is now scaring him.
Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head.
The farmer says, "You horny bastard, you deserve this."
The rooster opens one eye, points up, & whispers, "Shh! Don't shout, let them land!"

smart8

Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Hell. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Hell,
and the angel agrees.
He gets to Hell and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere.
He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a bitch when we were alive! Hell looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Hell says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine."
The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom.
The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion,
and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Hell."

smart8

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?" "Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

smart8

"Daddy, where did I come from?" seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared.
They take her into the living room, get out several other books,
and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction,
affection, love, and reproduction.
Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?"
the mom asks. "Not really,"
the little girl says. "Judy said she came from Detroit.
I want to know where I came from."

smart8

One weekend, a husband is in the bathroom shaving when the local kid Bubba he hired to mow his lawn, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl,
I whack my penis on the bedpost three times.
It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.
So before climbing into bed with his wife,
he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost.
His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"