His new bride said :

monho

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want,
if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies,
and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules.
Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night,
whether you're here or not."

monho

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God!
I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"