Adult : where do babies come from?”

5vanno

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says,
“Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married.
One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues,
“That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina.
That’s how you get a baby, honey.”
The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth.
What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

5vanno

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

5vanno

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence,
and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None."
The teacher asks, "Why?"
Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."
The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher,
"If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor,
one is licking her ice cream,
one is sucking her ice cream,
and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

5vanno

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

5vanno

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon's activities,
they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside
and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary.
I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You liar! You've been playing golf!"